Written by Ali Naro
Monday afternoon, July 11, 1955
In bed with Debbie at Debbie's home
(fictional) Arnett, Florida
Laura was so close and she knew that Debbie knew it, but what Laura didn’t quite know for sure was if Debbie would let her cum now or would she stop kissing her other lips and stop sucking on her clitoris and stop slipping her tongue in and out of her at the very last minute to prolong the pleasure and in a sense the pain as well.
Teasing was a large part of the game that Laura and Debbie played while making love, and although Laura usually enjoyed that particular part of the game, at the moment she just wanted to cum already. It had been several days since she had been this close to an orgasm, and her soul, even more than her body was crying out for it.
The three-day honeymoon had been anything but that. Laura had spent most of those three days alone in the hotel room while Mark was off…well she never knew where he had spent his days during their honeymoon because he had never told her. He left first thing every morning and didn’t return again until late every night. He would then immediately lie down on the couch in their honeymoon suite upon his return and go to sleep. Laura had been confused, scared, and lonely the entire three days. Mark barely said more than “hello” or “goodbye” to her. She didn’t even leave the hotel room because she wasn’t sure what exactly she should be doing.
Waiting for her husband?
Going off on her own like he did all day long?
She had never been in a hotel before, much less one so large and fancy. She didn’t know the rules. She didn’t know the etiquette and so was afraid of doing something wrong. And she didn't know St. Augustine at all having never been there before, so she just stayed in her room and read Gone with the Wind all day long and well into the night. She had purchased the Pulitzer Prize novel at the used bookstore in Arnett a few days before the elopement and so had only just started reading it when her honeymoon that wasn't began, but she was already hooked just a few chapters into it so she saw the honeymoon that wasn't as the perfect opportunity to lose herself in the book that she couldn't seem to put down because it was so damn good.
Laura ended up finishing the over 1,000-page novel by the time the three days of her honeymoon that wasn't was over. She thought it was the best book that she had ever read and was so upset that she couldn't go to the theater to watch the movie because the Oscar-winning film had come out some 15 years before and so was no longer playing at any theater anywhere anymore. She had seen the film when she was four years old when the movie had first premiered, but that had been so long ago and she had been so little that the only thing she could remember about the film was that she liked it very much, especially the character Mammy who she couldn't help but wish had been her mom because Laura never had a mother who loved her.
At least the honeymoon that wasn't was finally over and she was finally back in Debbie’s bed, and even though they constantly had to be separated for weeks at a time when Jack was home, Laura had never missed Debbie’s bed or Debbie’s body so much before.
And now finally she was a second from being right there and Debbie knowing Laura’s body so well and Laura knowing Debbie’s teasing ways so well, she was more frustrated than surprised when Debbie pulled away from Laura’s other lips and began kissing her stomach instead, Debbie’s breath the only thing now grazing Laura’s throbbing, yearning, swollen other lips.
“I love kissing your lips…,” Laura suddenly remembered Debbie saying to her that very first day they had made love...
They had only made it as far as the kitchen table that day when Debbie had spoken those memorable words to Laura. Laura had managed to get off of the living room floor first and was resting against the kitchen table trying to rub out the pain in her knees from the hardwood floors, but always keeping her eyes on Debbie simply because she couldn’t bear to take them off of her gorgeous naked form. Debbie, who was beyond beautiful in all of her naked glory was slowly making her way from the floor to Laura who couldn’t stop wondering how she had not only gotten so lucky to be looking at this gorgeous naked woman in the flesh, but she had also just made love with this amazing woman as well.
When Debbie had finally been able to get up off the very hard hardwood floor, she walked over to Laura, grabbed her face, and began kissing her with a passion Laura had never known before, and soon she was matching that passion, her body crying out for more. But Debbie suddenly stopped the kisses and looked at Laura and asked her,
“You didn’t really get a chance to cum much, if at all, did you, honey?”
Laura had been shocked and embarrassed by Debbie’s bluntness. She had never heard anyone talk about sex so matter-of-factly before. Laura struggled for a few moments as she tried to admit that she had never really experienced an orgasm before, even while they had been making love on the floor, but she never could get the thought to come out in words, so eventually she shyly just shook her head no.
“Too busy making sure I came…and came…and came some more?” Debbie asked as she repeatedly kissed Laura.
“You just seemed…so…so…,” Laura began, but she was still too shy and shocked by the frank and casual way Debbie spoke about sex to complete the thought.
“Desperate? God, I was,” Debbie laughed, completing Laura's thought herself, “It’s been years since I’ve cum like that…,” Debbie then paused for a moment, staring off into space and Laura swore the look on her face made it seem like Debbie was thinking through all of the moments in her life when she had had sex, and then suddenly Debbie said to herself, “If ever, actually…,” and then continued to stare off into space a few moments longer until suddenly she turned back to Laura and began devouring her lips again, telling her between the kisses,
“Selfless lovers like you are so rare…Now it’s my turn to make you cum….and cum…again…and again...”
And the next thing Laura knew, Debbie had Laura sprawled out on the edge of the kitchen table arranging Laura’s body with the skill of someone who had done such a thing many times before and Laura would later learn that Debbie’s expertise in all things sex was quite extensive.
Debbie took one of Laura’s long, thin legs and placed it on one of the chairs for the kitchen table while Debbie placed Laura’s other leg over Debbie's shoulder then suddenly there was Debbie on her knees sucking and licking and kissing Laura to the most explosive climax she had ever had at that point in her life before.
It had felt so good. Laura had wondered during the entire experience, was it supposed to feel that good? Maybe it was bad feeling that good? It had felt good the few occasions she experimented with her own body, but never ever, oh God, never that good. Laura’s brain had gone on with the contemplation until the next orgasm came and then the next one and then she lost count because the orgasms just wouldn’t stop until Debbie stopped kissing Laura’s other lips because she had realized even before Laura that Laura couldn’t exactly breathe anymore.
Afterward, Debbie had Laura sit on the same chair she had just used as leverage because Laura found that she couldn’t stop shaking, the ripples and aftershocks of the orgasms kept attacking her body as if Debbie were still pleasuring her even though Debbie was in the kitchen getting Laura a glass of water.
“It wasn’t like that when you fiddled with yourself, was it, darling?” Debbie had asked as she handed Laura the glass of water. Laura shook her head no to Debbie’s question as she engulfed the water. “What a shame you never knew that sex could feel that good before.”
“What, that it could kill me?” Laura said taking a quick break from engulfing her water before she returned to it. Normally, she had a hard time sweating, but there she was soaked in sweat and now all her body wanted to do was get all of that water that it wasn’t used to losing back.
“Well, lesbian sex is definitely not for the faint of heart, sweetie.”
Laura had wanted to tell Debbie that she had never experienced such ecstasy before, but she was too busy hungrily downing the water to speak when Debbie, still stark naked, as was Laura, suddenly straddled Laura’s right leg as she still sat on the chair. Laura immediately stopped drinking the water even though the glass stayed fixed to her lips as her eyes became glued to Debbie. Debbie sat for a moment, staring at Laura, probably waiting for Laura to finish the water, Laura realized later, but when Laura continued to stay motionless and only stared back at Debbie even as the glass was still attached to Laura’s lips, Debbie calmly took the glass from Laura while still straddling her leg and put it on the kitchen table and then turned her attention back to Laura.
“The thing about two women making love is that we have no limp cock to wait on. When women first cum, that’s only just the beginning for us and you’ll soon discover that once you cum that first time, you’re going to want to keep on cumming until you can’t breathe anymore, and right now, sweetie, you’re still breathing and so am I.”
Debbie had then began to rub herself against Laura’s leg as she took Laura’s left hand and placed it on her back, pushing it firmly against her skin and whispering,
“Make sure I don’t fall.”
Then Debbie took Laura’s other hand and began sucking on her index and middle finger all the while her movements against Laura’s leg never stopped, never slowed while Laura continued her imitation of a statue, staying static except when Debbie moved her, Laura's eyes never once leaving Debbie’s gloriously naked form. And the next thing Laura knew, Debbie had guided Laura’s fingers inside of her, stopping her rhythmic movements for only a moment before returning to the same slow, methodic motion, but instead of moving her clitoris against Laura's leg, she was now moving her body to rub herself against Laura's fingers inside of her.
And still, Laura just sat there not moving, barely breathing, only staring. All she could do was watch in wonder and awe at this beautiful woman, still trying to figure out if this was real or a dream until Debbie woke Laura with the words,
“Are you just gonna sit there all day and have me do all the work?”
And with that something awoke in Laura and she decided to become a full-fledged participant in what was proving to definitely not be a dream. Laura slowly dug her fingers deeper into Debbie who immediately responded to the touch as Laura slid her fingers slowly…slowly…slowly…up and down…up and down…up and down…deeper…deeper… deeper…inside of Debbie trying to find that one spot that Debbie had seemed to love so much while they were on the floor earlier…Debbie had let out a cry as she rocked against Laura’s fingers while Laura continued to slide them slowly…slowly…slowly…up and down…up and down…until…
Afterward, Debbie had whispered between kisses in her low, husky voice that always sent chills through Laura,
“I love kissing your lips…and I don’t just mean just the ones on your mouth…I love the way your other lips taste…I love the way your other lips smell…I love kissing the lips on your face after I have made your other lips cum…I love tasting your mouth while I still have the taste of you in my mouth…God, I love eating from the honey pot and yours is the most exquisite one that I’ve ever had the pleasure of dining on.”
Laura had thought it quite shocking and quite wonderful when Debbie talked to her like that. Debbie seemed to be a master at seductive talk; talk that Laura found even more gloriously sexy than seeing Debbie’s gloriously beautiful naked body.
Laura had been so fascinated that first day they had made love by Debbie's bold, loud, anything goes lovemaking. Laura had found a freedom in making love so boldly and loudly and unabashedly. Laura didn't know she had such an animal within her, but once she was with Debbie that first time, Laura began to discover that she had intense carnal needs and Debbie knew just the buttons to push to awaken those animalistic desires.
As Laura lay in her own bed later that night after she and Debbie had made love for the first, second, countless times that day, Laura relived the events of the day in her head as she waited for sleep that rarely ever came for her anymore.
She couldn’t believe how many times she had said God’s name, Debbie’s name, Jesus’ name, and all in the cries of pleasure and passion. The grunts and moans and demands for right here or right there and please don’t stop that had come from her completely shocked and even embarrassed Laura. She even worried about seeing Debbie the next day like they had planned.
What would Debbie think of her?
Was Debbie now recalling the day too and thinking that Laura had gone too far?
But then Laura remembered how far Debbie had gone, even further than Laura and she had even more moments of crying out God and Jesus and Laura’s name, she had moaned and groaned and grunted even louder, even longer, she had made much more demands of right here or right there and please don’t stop.
If Laura couldn’t get enough of Debbie, then Debbie certainly couldn’t get enough of Laura, so maybe there was no need for embarrassment and regret because Debbie seemed just as desperate and hungry for another woman as Laura was. Debbie had told Laura as they hungrily kissed on the couch before they had torn off each other’s clothes and wound up on the living room floor to make love for the very first time that it had been over 5 years since the last time she was with a woman.
“Oh God, I forgot how much I absolutely love being with women. Their soft skin. Their curves. Their full breasts,” Debbie’s throaty voice whispered into Laura’s ear causing a tsunami of shivers to attack Laura's skin and Laura to suddenly need her and Debbie’s clothes off - NOW!
And later that same day when they were up against the hallway wall, Laura rubbing Debbie with her right index and middle finger as she stood behind Debbie while grinding her own pleasure center against Debbie’s left butt cheek, something she had no idea could even be done by two women while making love until suddenly she was instinctly doing it.
They had finally been on their way from the kitchen to the bedroom with the goal being the comfortable bed to make love when Laura surprised herself and Debbie with her impatience and suddenly pushed Debbie up against the hallway wall; Laura biting at Debbie’s ear, running her tongue across the back of Debbie’s neck and then reaching around to touch Debbie’s other lips with her fingers. And then she quickly discovered the joys of rubbing her own other lips against Debbie’s butt cheek. The gnawing and biting of Debbie’s ear and neck continued as Laura’s hand began to move faster against Debbie’s other lips and Laura’s hips moved faster against Debbie’s bottom.
Laura’s rubbing and grinding became more and more aggressive as they both grunted and moaned, sweat pouring from them and making their naked skin slip and slide against each other, and then Debbie suddenly cried to Laura that she was cumming and Laura cried back that, oh God, she was too, and then quite suddenly they did at the same moment, same second, both leaving the planet at the same time, flying up to touch the heavens and then coming back to Earth again.
And then as they heaved and gulped for breath while holding onto each other for dear life, Debbie told Laura that no woman or man had ever made her cum so hard before. She then took Laura’s hand and escorted her finally into the bedroom, falling onto the bed and continuing to make love until the sunset and it was time for Laura to go home...
As wonderful as those memories of Laura’s newfound freedom to lovemaking were the very first day she and Debbie had made love, Laura tore herself away from the addictive memories because she really needed to get Debbie back to this current session of their lovemaking...
Laura could feel her body getting beyond the painful point of yearning and her breath became quick and desperate for Debbie’s lips on her other lips, Laura's hips moving on their own accord, searching instinctively for Debbie’s mouth to return to her other lips, but Debbie would not budge. Laura desperately needed Debbie to stop the teasing, stop the taunting, and stop pretending that she suddenly found Laura’s stomach so fascinating and to just get back to those other lips of Laura's that Debbie said she loved kissing so much.
But Laura knew what she had to do to get Debbie back to the mission at hand. Debbie loved when Laura begged while they were in bed and Laura had to admit to herself that she quite liked begging herself and so realizing that it wasn’t just Debbie’s game of teasing, but her own game of teasing also, so Laura decided to do what Debbie had wanted all along and Laura did as well.
“Please, Mama...” Laura said, lifting her head off the bed and grabbing Debbie’s face with her hands, forcing her to stop paying attention to Laura’s stomach and instead look at her lover, “it’s been so long for your baby since she last came…I can’t…wait any longer...I need you to make me cum…Please, Mama, please...make your baby cum...”
The nicknames that Debbie had come up with for herself and Laura were only ever used while having sex. These nicknames always turned Debbie on and her dilated pupils in that moment gave her an air of being a conqueror. And Debbie was a conqueror of Laura’s body. Every single time they were together, Debbie conquered Laura’s body and then some.
Debbie didn't abide to Laura's begging at first and instead had returned to kissing Laura’s stomach, so Laura lifted Debbie’s head once again, looking directly in her lustful eyes so she could convey to her that the game of teasing had reached its absolute peak and it was now time to take the game to its ultimate conclusion.
“Please…Mamma…make your baby cum now...,” Laura begged.
Laura knew it was only a matter of seconds now, but seconds that felt like wonderfully painfully pleasurable years…decades…centuries…
Debbie gave Laura a wicked grin and a wink and then just like that Debbie complied and within seconds Laura’s body was shattered into a million pieces from the violently pleasurable climactic conclusions that seemed to last forever.
As Laura tried to catch her breath, Debbie moved her kisses up Laura’s body, her lips grazing Laura’s stomach, moving up to Laura’s breasts and circling her tongue around Laura’s nipples, sucking and pulling on them long enough for Laura to cum once more before Debbie continued her journey upward until she found Laura’s mouth, her tongue seeking out Laura’s until she caught it and began sucking on it.
They could lie in bed just kissing forever...
Kissing…
Kissing….
Kissing…
Tongues circling, lips consuming, passions rising…
Bodies pressing closer…
Closer…
Closer…
Laura could taste herself on Debbie’s lips, mouth, and tongue, and it always surprised her how passionately her body responded to her own taste as it mingled in Debbie’s mouth, as it became a part of Debbie’s taste.
Shivers of pleasure consumed Laura’s body and the kissing became more and more intense. Laura lifted her leg slightly as Debbie straddled it and began to rub herself back and forth on it as their breaths grew louder and louder and their kisses became more hungry, more desperate.
Debbie then took Laura’s right index and middle finger and placed them in her mouth, sucking on them for a few moments to make them as wet as possible before taking them out and began guiding them to her own throbbing other lips below, but just a moment away from Laura’s fingers touching Debbie’s throbbing core, Laura stiffened her arm and wouldn’t allow Debbie to move it any further, giving Debbie a teasing look that basically said without the need for actual words,
“Oh, I had to wait to cum, but you don’t?”
They were always playing this teasing game and Debbie knew exactly what she needed to do to get Laura to do her bidding, so she looked right into Laura’s eyes, lowered her voice an octave and gave it a hoarseness that she knew would set Laura’s body on fire and whispered,
“Please, I need you to fuck me.”
Laura hungrily obliged, releasing her arm so Debbie could guide Laura’s fingers to Debbie’s other lips, letting go just as Laura’s fingers reached the outside of her opening. Laura delayed her fingers from reaching inside, holding onto the pleasure of teasing Debbie for a moment, allowing Debbie’s own ravenous core to hungrily reach out for Laura’s fingers, trying to pull them in until Laura finally allowed her fingers to slowly slip inside.
Laura absolutely loved being inside a woman. She found that she impatiently longed for that feeling just before it happened and always when it had been too long and basically every other moment in-between her life since the first time she had ever been inside of Debbie and realized that it was probably the most amazing experience she had ever have in her whole life, and every single time since that first time, it still continued to be.
Laura had discovered that it was a crime that women had been sold the bill of goods that they had to be ashamed of their sexual desires and constantly guard and maintain their virtue at all costs because if they only knew what sexual power they really had because, my God, women had such beautiful, hungry sexual cores that would throb and convulse and then collapse around her fingers, wanting her over and over again and Laura took in every moment whenever she was inside of Debbie wanting to remember every throb, every convulsion, and every orgasm as if it were food that fed her soul.
Debbie immediately had an orgasm, Laura’s fingers barely making it inside of Debbie before her body responded, but Laura knew that sudden reaction was only the beginning because orgasms came easily and often for Debbie and the first one only ever got her warmed up for the many more climaxes they knew she would soon have, needed to have. Debbie began to rock back and forth on Laura’s fingers as Laura maneuvered them to Debbie’s favorite spots applying pressure with one finger here, while teasing with the other finger there, causing Debbie to orgasm again and again and again, the fluid first dripping from Debbie, but then pouring out of her, soaking Laura’s hand and arm and stomach and the sheets and the bed.
But with every orgasm Debbie had, at the last minute, like always, Laura found herself closing her eyes or looking away from Debbie, like what was happening to her lover was too intimate, too private for Laura to be privy to such a personal moment. But Laura brushed off the reason why she did this, like she always did, with promises of thinking about why later, although she knew, like always, she wouldn’t.
“God, how do you always know what my body wants even before I do?” Debbie asked after one particularly intense orgasm before she went back for more.
Then suddenly after Debbie had yet another orgasm, she stopped her movements, but Laura’s fingers stayed inside of her, waiting for Debbie’s command to either quit or keep going. Debbie and Laura stayed exactly where they were, frozen except for their exacerbated breathing, but once Debbie caught her breath, she moved her thigh so it reached in-between Laura’s legs and then leaned down and kissed Laura before whispering,
“I want you to cum with me.”
Laura said nothing but instead began moving her fingers inside of Debbie at the same time that she began to slide herself up and down Debbie’s slippery leg. Faster and faster their movements became, holding onto each other tighter and tighter, Debbie’s grunting and moaning becoming more and more intense, drowning out Laura’s quieter vocal cries of pleasure. Faster and faster their bodies moved until suddenly they both came together, but they never stopped, they just kept going through the orgasm, knowing their bodies were not ready to quit just yet.
Then this sudden visceral need they always had for each other’s bodies took over all thought and emotion and Laura could no longer tell where her body ended and Debbie’s began, she could no longer tell when the orgasm was hers or Debbie’s, they felt like one body devouring the pleasure that came again and again until their bodies finally gave in, their breathing becoming too labored, their bodies beyond exhaustion and so with one final orgasm together, they stopped.
They held onto each other for a few moments, trying to catch their breath as they kissed each other first tenderly and then voraciously, their bodies beginning to demand more again, but their breathing was still so labored that Laura abruptly ended the kissing that was a moment away from bringing them back into the cycle of pleasure again. She looked into Debbie’s eyes, asking if she wanted more, although Laura wasn’t sure if she could even comply if Debbie answered yes.
“Always, but if we keep going right now, I think you just might kill me,” Debbie said, still struggling to catch her breath.
Laura then slowly and a bit reluctantly slipped her fingers from inside Debbie. She always felt a little lost and alone whenever she had to leave Debbie after she had been inside of her. It was like saying goodbye to a part of herself because it always felt like she left a little bit of her own soul behind every time she made love to Debbie. Would it feel that way if she ever got the chance to make love to another pretty lady? Laura quickly pushed the thought away. If she was making love to another woman that meant she was no longer with Debbie and Laura just wasn't ready to quit Debbie yet even though she knew instinctively that eventually, she would have to.
Debbie rolled onto her back desperately trying to catch her breath as she grabbed for a cigarette on the nightstand and lit it up and began smoking it despite the fact that she was still practically breathless. But now that they had finished making love and with Debbie’s mouth suddenly free, she had to find something new to occupy it. She never picked gum to occupy her mouth after they made love, Laura always noticed, only a cigarette.
“My God, you’ve got magical fingers,” Debbie said as she blew smoke from her cigarette, lying flat on her back as she reached out to touch Laura, rubbing Laura’s breasts and then moving her hands to Laura’s stomach and then suddenly screamed,
“Jesus Christ! You’re soaked!…And the sheets!…And this entire side of the bed! Is that all from me?”
“Some of it is my sweat…I think,” Laura said, looking at herself and the bed, trying to assess the situation.
Debbie got up and walked into the bathroom saying to Laura that she was going to get a towel to help clean her up. Laura could hear Debbie turn on the water for the tub and was thankful that she was going to have them bathe before leaving because Laura didn’t want to get back to Mark’s house smelling of sex and sweat. Wouldn’t that make for an interesting interview with the maid?
Debbie had the half-smoked burning cigarette pursed between her lips as she came back into the bedroom and sat on the bed next to Laura and began drying her with the towel and said,
“I’m not going to have a chance to wash these sheets today. I’m sure the neighbors are always wondering why I wash my sheets practically every day while Jack is gone.”
Again with the neighbors, Laura had thought to herself, figuring she just never would get the fascination everyone had with worrying about what other people thought.
“Don’t you mind always being soaked in so much cold and wet while we make love?” Debbie asked.
Laura never minded the fluid that came from Debbie when they made love, in fact, she relished it and the smile on her face made that obvious to Debbie who then asked Laura why she looked like the cat that ate the canary.
“I love it when you...,” Laura could do and say all manner of things when making love to Debbie thanks to Debbie’s openness and vast experience with sex and her willingness to teach Laura anything and everything about it, but Laura was always so shy afterward, a shyness that made her so embarrassed that she had a difficult time talking about what she had just been doing moments ago.
“Love it when I what? Come on you have to say it. Come on you shy little thing. Your fingers certainly weren’t shy just a few minutes ago,” Debbie teased.
“…When you…you know…
“Cum all over you…”
“…and…it...you know…”
“Soaks you wetter than an afternoon rainstorm in July?”
Laura knew without having to look at herself that she was bright red.
“It gives me a wonderful ego boost,” Laura managed to answer through her intense embarrassment.
“So is that why you always have a little cock to your walk after you leave here. I thought it was from all the orgasms that I give you.”
“Well they certainly help add to the…what did you say, ‘cock to my walk,’ but really it’s more about the fact that I can’t believe that I can do that to a woman.”
“You know, it would happen to you more often if you’d let me fuck you more.”
And there it was.
They always ended up having this discussion.
Debbie always wanted permission to go inside of Laura more often when they made love, but Laura was always hesitant about giving so much of herself to Debbie. Laura loved having the outside of her pleasure center pleasured and never hesitated when Debbie wanted to play with that part of her body for hours and hours and days and days. Laura wasn't sure why exactly, but she just didn't like having Debbie inside of her most of the time they were making love other than it simply just didn't seem to be her thing. There were the rare occasions that she did want Debbie inside of her, but most of the time during their lovemaking she just didn't.
Debbie didn't go inside of Laura until the second day that they made love. She had told Laura that she had been hesitant that first day because she had been so horny and so was too impatient to help out a virgin, so had decided to only play with her a little on the inside that first day. But the second day Debbie wasn't quite so horny and so had wanted to explore Laura more. And Laura had allowed her but quickly discovered that she didn't like Debbie being so deeply inside of her like Debbie wanted Laura to be.
Laura didn't mind Debbie slipping her tongue in and out of her or putting the tips of her fingers inside of Laura to tease her a bit, but when Debbie went inside of Laura any further, she just didn't seem to find it as pleasurable as Debbie did.
Debbie put out her cigarette in the ashtray that sat on top of the nightstand next to Laura, quickly lit up another, and then went into the bathroom where Laura could hear her turn off the water and then get into the tub.
Laura’s eyes welled with tears for a moment. Debbie had a blunt way of talking that usually turned Laura on or made her laugh or made her see life in a way that she never realized existed before which always fascinated her, but sometimes that bluntness would hit too close to home, and instead, Laura would find herself crying at Debbie’s words, and the crying and hurt always made her feel like a big fool.
Laura pushed the tears back and walked into the bathroom, but Debbie immediately noticed the unfallen tears.
“Shit. Lord, honey. I’m sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. Dammit, I'm too good at doing that to you. It’s just that I…God, I really love fucking you, but you hardly ever let me and…”
Laura cringed a bit at the word “fucking” and again Debbie noticed, but this time the noticing only frustrated her.
“God, I do not understand you sometimes. Not a half-hour ago you and I both used that word while we were in the middle of fucking and you’re nothing but turned on, but after we’re done fucking, I use that word to describe what we had just been doing and you cringe up like you have virginal ears. You're not a virgin anymore and you haven't been for over two years now thanks to me.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I love it when you say it while we are...,”
“Fucking,” Debbie said filling in Laura’s long pause as she looked for the right word. Laura couldn’t help but cringe again but decided to ignore Debbie so she could get the rest of her thought out.
“…but when we’re not and you refer to our lovemaking as…,”
“Fucking.”
“Debbie, please!”
“Well, what we do is fucking and you need more of the actual fucking part. I mean barely slipping my tongue in and out of you when I’m going down on you is not the same as when I can reach all of you inside with my fingers. And you are so beautiful inside and I’m sorry that I get so impatient that you don’t let me in very often. I understand why you don’t, some women just aren't into that, but still, I can’t help but yearn for that part of you that you rarely let me have.”
Debbie may understand why Laura didn’t often give her permission to go inside her, but Laura certainly didn’t understand why she said no more often than not and had Debbie pleasure her mostly on the outside instead. It felt so much more real, more intimate, more invasive of her soul whenever Debbie was inside of her. She enjoyed the physical pleasure of it, but emotionally she found it draining and exhausting because every single time Debbie was deep inside of her, she wound up weeping uncontrollably and she just didn’t have the emotional energy always for such a reaction and she just didn’t like Debbie witnessing such an intimate, private reaction from her.
The tears began to swell again in Laura’s eyes and this time she couldn’t stop a couple from falling. Debbie immediately saw the error in her approach to this tired subject.
“Come on, sweetie,” Debbie said patting the water in the tub, “Let’s not fight. I’m sorry. I'm jealous and angry right now at you and other things going on in my life and it's not your fault I feel this way. I shouldn't take my anger and jealousy out on you. Come on, get in. We both got to get going soon anyway. You got a maid to interview and I got a second shift at the diner to get to.”
Laura obliged and Debbie put out her cigarette and immediately lit up another. Debbie had cigarettes and gum in every part of her house. Even though it was a small house with a main room that was both the living room, dining room, and kitchen, and then a short hallway that led to the bedroom and a bathroom, still despite it taking maybe ten seconds to walk from one end of the house to the other, Debbie had cigarettes and gum stashed everywhere. Kitchen drawers, bathroom cabinet, on both nightstands next to the bed, on both side tables next to the couch, the coffee table, the kitchen table, everywhere you were in the house, you were no more than a few inches away from cigarettes and gum.
Debbie pursed the newly lit cigarette between her lips as she grabbed a washcloth and a bar of soap and soon had Laura covered in suds.
“It’s not just for selfish reasons that I want to fuck you,” Debbie began as she handed the washcloth to Laura so she could scrub Debbie, “I also worry about you because when I fu…sorry…when we are making love and you allow me to go inside of you, it’s the only time that you ever completely let go. You always hold on so tight to your fears and anger and tears because you never want to inconvenience anyone, including yourself, with your sadness and pain.”
Laura had begun soaping up Debbie’s breasts and despite the very serious discussion Debbie was having with Laura, she couldn’t help but suddenly find herself distracted by Debbie’s enormously supple, freckled breasts, but Debbie was having none of that.
“My God, you are worse than a man sometimes when it comes to being hypnotized by my big tits,” Debbie said as she put her finger under Laura’s chin and lifted her head, forcing Laura to look into Debbie’s eyes instead of at her breasts before she continued.
“Listen, you can’t hold onto it all when your body is letting it all go and by letting go so you can feel such pleasure means that you’re also going to feel all of that pain you hold onto all the time so the world, and especially you, won’t see it. It’s why you cry so afterward. You spend so much of your time on the verge of tears, but always fighting them from falling. You just need to cry sometimes and it’s okay. Crying is good for you and you should do it whenever you need to.”
Laura wanted to point out that Debbie didn’t seem to like it much on the few occasions she had cried when they were making love, either pretending she wasn’t or keeping her face hidden from Laura until she got the tears under control, but instead she said,
“All that crying I do…when you’re making love to me on the inside of my body, it…it embarrasses me…”
Debbie stopped scrubbing Laura and put her half-smoked cigarette down, which Laura knew meant business because Debbie never put down a cigarette until it was smoked to the nub unless she had something serious to say or do. Debbie then pulled Laura into an embrace.
“Oh sweetie, please don’t be. The crying worries me, but I never mind it. Never.”
It had been a couple of months since Laura had given Debbie permission last to be inside of her. She had wept and wept that time like she had never wept in her life before and Debbie had held her the whole time, caressing her, telling her to just cry all she wanted, no one but her was there to see it.
Debbie could be very gentle and sweet with Laura when she was so vulnerable, but then there were those couple of times that Laura allowed Debbie inside of her only because it had been so long and Debbie had gotten to the point of begging Laura to please let her go inside of her before Laura felt so bad about denying Debbie that she finally gave in.
Debbie had been drunk those couple of times that begging had come into play. Laura's father was an alcoholic. A kind one who didn't mean to have the illness and was so embarrassed by it that he did it in quiet and in secret, but still she had been exposed to his alcoholism enough that she never found herself interested in partaking in alcohol so she never quite understood why people drank alcohol in the first place. It never seemed to make them happier, it never seemed to take away the pain, which was always the two reasons Laura ever heard people say why they drank. Instead, it either made them angry or sad or just plain ole pass out and for the life of her, Laura just didn’t get the big deal of drinking.
Debbie always had a glass of bourbon every afternoon, usually not before five o’clock because that seemed to be some kind of unspoken rule, but occasionally she drank in the middle of the day too.
“Thank the good Lord, it’s time for some release,” Laura had heard Debbie declaring on more than one occasion when five o’clock hit and she was having a crappy day.
Debbie would pour herself a glass of bourbon and down it with a cigarette then pop a piece of gum in her mouth and that would usually be that. But there were those rare occasions when Debbie would have two or three or even four glasses of bourbon. Laura noticed that the third and fourth glasses of bourbon were usually downed after Debbie had gotten a postcard or telegraph from Jack informing her that he was coming home earlier than expected. The extra bourbon always caused their lovemaking to be awkward and uncomfortable, and Debbie would be angry and pitiful and then just start crying that she didn’t want Laura to go yet. That she was so horribly lonely and sad during those weeks they were apart.
The last time that Debbie had one of those rare drunken nights, she had begged and pleaded for Laura to please just let her go inside. That she loved being inside of a woman as much as Laura did and why did she keep her from that pleasure so much. Laura had felt so awful and guilty when a drunken Debbie made the confession, so she allowed Debbie to touch her inside and it was mostly just awful because Debbie was too drunk to be careful with Laura both physically during and emotionally afterward. The next day as Laura was leaving she told a very hungover Debbie that she would never make love with her again when she was drunk, a blunt statement for Laura, but she had been that serious. And so far, Debbie hadn’t even been tipsy in front of Laura, much less drunk, but Jack had also not sent a postcard or telegraph with the news of coming home early since then either.
“You know, most women have no idea that they can soak a bed when making love,” Debbie said as she and Laura got out of the tub and began drying each other off. “I know that I can soak a bed more than most women, but still women do have the ability, but most never get the chance to experience it. Probably because the spot on a woman that can do such a miraculous thing is so damn hard for a man to find because penises don’t bend…but fingers do,” Debbie then placed her left index and middle finger together and bent them a couple of times before she then separated them and began wiggling them and making her two fingers do all manner of tricks before she declared, “No man’s penis, no matter how big, can do that and that’s why no man certainly has ever even come close to being able to get my body to soak a bed, not that they even try to. They’re usually too busy getting their own jollies on to care if the woman underneath them that they’re pounding into is having any fun at all or not and trust me, mostly it is not.”
Laura couldn’t even imagine ever allowing a man to make love to her. Just the idea of it made her ill. She had thought once she married Mark then she would have to finally submit herself to such an unthinkable act, but Mark still hadn’t touched her, not on the honeymoon and not even last night in their new house together. He had slept in a separate bedroom instead of in a bed with Laura last night just like he did on their honeymoon when they were staying at the hotel and they slept separately.
Laura had admitted to Debbie the night before her elopement that she was scared to death of having sex with Mark, especially since Debbie had told her that men sooner or later will insist on fucking you. Debbie had given Laura tips on other ways to satisfy a man so that maybe actual fucking would happen as little as possible, but all those tips seemed just as awful as the actual act itself, but thankfully Laura hadn’t yet been presented with the opportunity to use any of Debbie’s tips to,
“…quickly get a man off so you can get to sleep already and to keep yourself from being knocked up for the next twenty years…,” Debbie had explained to Laura.
Even though Mark hadn’t presented her with the opportunity to use any of Debbie’s tips, Laura figured that eventually, he would and…God, Laura couldn’t even let herself finish the thought, so decided to do a Scarlett O'Hara and wait another day to finish it.
Laura still couldn’t believe that Debbie had done such things with other men and currently to her husband. Debbie was like Laura, she loved women with all of her being, but Debbie had decided long ago to put up an elaborate pretense that she was just like every other woman in the world, only a lover of men. And now, Laura suddenly realized, she had done the same thing. Maybe a small part of her did it to save herself from anyone ever finding out who she really was because people would hate her and despise her and think she had a perverse soul if they knew. Sometimes she even hated herself for being what she was; a homosexual, a queer, a lesbian, a dyke. All names meaning deviant, despicable, unnatural, unholy.
“You know…” Debbie said as they began to walk into the bedroom to get dressed, Debbie pausing her thought for a moment to light up yet another cigarette before continuing, “…I thought for damn sure after you got married that we would never find ourselves in my bed again.”
“Why?” Laura asked as Debbie still naked except for a pair of underwear she managed to put on, walked over to Laura and helped her button up the back of her dress, “I said before I left that I wasn’t going to stop seeing you.”
“I know, but for one, you’re a rarity in this world, sweetie, you’re an honest person, honest to your core, and being with me before just meant that you had to only omit in your conversations to aquantainces about what we did when we were together, never actually lie. But now that you’re married means putting yourself through a daily dose of lying to your own husband and I didn’t think you could do it before you married Mark and I’m still not so sure that you can keep it up now because the lying builds and grows and it becomes lying about the lying, to your husband, to yourself and eventually you can’t tell what is your truth and what is your lies and all in order to keep who you really are a secret, which is the biggest lie of them all. It can take a toll, believe me,” Debbie took a big puff on her cigarette before continuing, “And also and more importantly, the thing is darling,” Debbie sighed and then hesitated for a long moment, taking another long puff of her cigarette and blowing the smoke out slowly, following it with her eyes as it drifted toward the ceiling, she didn’t continue until it had reached its destination. “…you’re not in love with me and so I’ve just been waiting for the day that you realize that and leave me.”
Laura immediately protested, but Debbie quietly shushed her as she touched Laura’s cheek with her hand, brushing it along her jawline, staring into Laura’s eyes, Debbie’s own eyes welling up with tears. She then leaned her forehead onto Laura’s and despite this suddenly serious moment, Laura couldn’t help but feel shivers of desire as Debbie’s breasts pressed against her and Laura longed for the dress she had just put on to come right back off again. And as always Debbie knew exactly what Laura and her body were thinking.
“You’re in love with my body, Laura, not me. And that’s okay because, in my 35 years of living, plenty of men and even a few women have loved my body and not me. The thing is I never loved them back, so it didn’t really matter. Or at least not much, I guess.” She took another long puff from her cigarette before continuing, “I thought with you agreeing to marry Mark that maybe it was in a way, an excuse for you to finally leave me because if you really loved me, you never would have gotten into this marriage that you never wanted and never will.”
It was true. It was all true, only Laura hadn’t wanted to admit it to herself. Sometimes in the deep recesses of her mind, she would suddenly think that what she had with Debbie was not love. Not real, total, being completely in love with someone else love.
Maybe that was why she hated when Debbie referred to their lovemaking as fucking, since Laura wasn’t in love with Debbie then maybe that meant that their lovemaking really was only just fucking.
“It’s like when you are making me cum, every time, you look away or close your eyes at the last second like you’re afraid if you saw me at that moment, you would know that you didn’t really love me. You love everything else about making love to me. You love touching me and kissing me and being inside of me. The only thing that you don’t like about making love to me is the fact that you don’t actually love me. It’s another reason why you don’t really ever let me inside of you. It’s too personal, too real, too private an act for you to just let anyone do it. I think you’re waiting for that special woman who is still out there waiting for you. That woman you are destined to spend your whole life loving. Even if you liked men instead, you’re just one of those people who can’t give all of yourself to a lover unless you are in love with them and that ain’t me, sweetie. It’s some other woman in that wide world out there. Damn, I hate that bitch.”
Laura sighed. Debbie turned away and walked over to her closet and began putting on a clean waitress uniform as she finished puffing away on her cigarette and grabbed yet another. After a minute or two, Laura was finally able to speak, but all she could find to say was,
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, darling. It’s not your fault that I fell in love with you knowing damn well sure that you didn’t love me back and probably never would. You do love me, sweetie, you do love me, just…not the way I want you to.”
They were silent for a long moment. Laura watched as Debbie finished dressing, wishing it wasn’t true, wishing that Debbie was wrong and that she was in love with her. She did love Debbie, so very much, but Debbie was right, there was still something missing. It just didn’t quite feel like what being in love should be.
“So, you never said. How was it finally sleeping with a man? Was it as awful as you imagined it would be?” Debbie asked, thankfully breaking the tension and somewhat changing the subject.
“Actually,” Laura said, “we never actually did anything. I mean he did finally kiss me after six weeks of dating, but only when the minister said, ‘You may now kiss the bride,’ and that was the briefest, most chaste kiss in the whole history of kisses, but besides that…nothing. No more kissing, no making love, not even a single hand holding, just nothing. He even slept on the couch in our hotel room every single night we were there while I slept on the bed and he did the same last night at his house. He slept in a separate bedroom from mine. He said last night that he was staying up late to work so I could just go up to bed by myself and not to worry about waiting up for him, but you know me, I never sleep and so I was up to hear him start snoring away about fifteen minutes after I had gone to bed last night.”
“Oh, honey, that’s it. We now know definitely for sure that your husband is a member of our team; as queer as a three-dollar bill.”
The End...
For now...
