Written by Ali Naro
I'm Nobody! Who are you?
Are you—Nobody—Too?
Then there's a pair of us!
Don't tell! they'd advertise—you know!
How dreary—to be—Somebody!
How public—like a Frog—
To tell one's name—the livelong June—
To an admiring Bog
-Emily Dickinson
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Friday, June 13, 1986
(fictional) Arnett, Florida
Inside of Betty Sheets’ rented single-wide trailer
Located at the Royal Palm Trailer Park
30 miles south of Daytona Beach
It had been six months since Betty made the long drive to Florida from Massachusetts with her cat Libby. After three days of driving and crying and smoking and remembering, Betty made it past the state line into Florida. She kept on driving along the east coast of the state for a while. Her family had mostly lived up and down the east coast except for those couple of years they lived in Gainesville, which was in the middle of the state and the furthest Betty had ever lived away from the ocean while in Florida. Betty had hated being so far away from the ocean, so as she drove along the east coast catching glimpses of the sea here and there; she decided that she would live near the ocean.
Betty made up her mind that she would go with her gut on where to plant her roots because her gut was always right and most of the mistakes she had made in her life were because she didn’t listen to her instincts. So she decided that when she hit the right town, the town that felt like she was supposed to be there, and one that was located close by to a junior college so she could start working on her nursing certificate when the fall semester began, she was going to plant her stake there and try to make the best of this life that she could.
And once Betty had reached the little town of Arnett, something told her that this was the right place. That she was here and so this was where home was now because she was always going to be home to Betty...
Betty had passed by a junior college just a few miles before reaching Arnett and not 5 minutes into town, she saw a help wanted sign at a restaurant called the Tick Tock Diner, which was aptly named since it was open 24 hours a day; mostly for truckers to have a place to eat late into the night since the diner was right off of Interstate 95. Thirty minutes after pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant, Betty had both a job and rented a trailer from the owner of the diner, both of which had just become available a couple of weeks before Betty arrived in town. It didn’t take long for Betty to unpack the belongings she had brought with her in the VW Beetle, settling herself and Libby into the already furnished trailer. It wasn’t a bad little place; really quite perfect for Betty and Libby. Betty decorated it and made it feel like home the best she could but there was still something sorely missing from her new home – love.
Betty was ready for real love for the first time in her life, so where was it, dammit??!
Betty knew she was here, in Arnett, which was why this town felt like the right place, but where was she?
Real love only shows up when it is ready and it wasn’t ready until 3 months after Betty moved to Arnett when she finally walked into the diner…
Betty felt her walk into the diner before she even saw her…
And the moment Betty saw her, Betty knew that they had known each other in many other lives before…
Her name was Rachel Edgell. She was just 26 years old, but Betty only let the age difference bother her a little at first because as Betty got to know Rachel, she discovered that in many ways Rachel was mature beyond her years even if her years were a good 13 years younger than Betty’s. Rachel and Betty hit it off the moment they met. Rachel had come into the diner late one night after watching a sneak peek showing of the latest movie at the old theater across the street. Rachel quietly approached the counter and shyly ordered small fries and a small Coke from Betty, carefully counting her money to make sure she had enough before making the order. Betty noticed the careful calculations were because every single penny counted to Rachel. Betty had known that kind of poverty as well in her life. She was worried that Rachel’s lack of sufficient income was why she was so very skinny, so Betty added a hamburger to Rachel’s initial order and upped the size of the Coke and fries to a medium, telling Rachel that the entire order was on her so put her money away and save it for another day.
The free meal got Betty and Rachel talking in the mostly empty diner late that first night. Rachel became a regular after that; showing up to the diner late every Thursday evening after watching a sneak preview of the newest movie to hit Arnett’s one and only theater. It was a 99-cent theater, so that meant all of the “new” movies in Arnett were actually several months old, but Rachel didn’t seem to mind. Rachel commented that first night to Betty that waiting a few months longer than most people to see a film meant the tickets were cheap enough for her to afford and allowed her the ability to see movies on the big screen, which seemed to be such a thrill to Rachel’s movie loving-ways even if the movies weren’t brand spanking new.
Rachel worked as a secretary at the Penny Pincher Newspaper, the local paper for Arnett, which was mostly coupons, sales notices, and advertisements with some local and national news sprinkled in as well. Betty felt the title of the paper matched the owner’s penny-pinching ways since he barely paid enough for Rachel to rent a somewhat run-down one-room apartment about a block from the theater and the diner. Rachel couldn’t even afford a car, so she walked everywhere, and once again she didn’t seem to mind since Rachel commented that she never really liked driving anyway and all that walking she did instead was good exercise. But still, Betty felt that Rachel deserved so much better.
Rachel didn’t even get a raise with her newfound role as the film critic for the penny-pinching paper. Rachel’s boss had recently discovered that Rachel was both a huge film buff and an amateur writer, so he set it up with the local movie theater for her to catch sneak previews of the new movie playing at the theater on Thursday nights while the projectionist previewed the print to make sure it worked okay before the film premiered on Fridays. Rachel told Betty that at least now she got to see movies for free instead of having to pay 99 cents for them, so she didn’t mind that her boss didn’t pay her extra for the extra work. Betty was still trying to convince Rachel to ask her penny-pinching boss for a raise. It was ridiculous that Rachel had to stay up all night on Thursdays into Friday mornings to get the review done in time for printing, and then with little to no sleep, immediately go to work at the paper for an eight-hour shift doing her secretarial duties.
Although, Betty had to admit that the local paper was actually a decent little paper and she found herself looking forward to reading it every Friday evening when it came out. Rachel’s very first movie review assignment was the night she met Betty. As soon as the paper came out the very next evening, Betty grabbed a copy and read Rachel’s heartfelt review of The Color Purple. It was the most beautiful, funny, touching, insightful thing she had ever read.
Betty knew then it was love…
But Betty discovered that she wanted to get to know Rachel more before doing anything about her feelings for the girl. Asking a woman out was going to be a very delicate and tricky matter, she quickly realized. Was Rachel really gay or just seemed to be a member of that tribe? Betty wasn’t sure, so she spent the next 3 months getting to know Rachel. Late every Thursday evening Rachel would come into the diner after watching a sneak peek of the latest film at the theater for her latest review, and Betty would order Rachel up a hamburger, fries, and a Coke that Betty would pay for even though Rachel tried to every time, but Betty would always insist that she wanted to do this for Rachel, that it made her happy to give back to the girl. Rachel was always very thankful for the free meal. Betty suspected that there hadn’t been much kindness in Rachel’s life.
Rachel was sweet and thoughtful and funny and quite observant about the hard truths of life, but she was also so very naïve, but mainly because she was still so young and still had so much faith in people and chose too often to see only their potential and believed they would reach them one day, instead of seeing the hard reality that they never would. Rachel reminded Betty of Jimmy in many ways; making Betty both miss Jimmy so very much, yet not miss him at all because he seemed to live again through Rachel. As they got to know each other, Betty quietly revealed her story about Jimmy in whispers and mostly coded language, not wanting the other customers to hear such private pains. Betty told Rachel about helping Jimmy as he was dying both because she just needed someone to talk to about it besides Libby, and as a way to get a feel for Rachel and whether or not she even knew that she was gay, much less if she was out and single and interested in dating an old lady like Betty. At 39, Betty figured a 26-year-old would see her as old. Betty certainly did when she was 26.
After finally getting enough small signs and little hints from Rachel that she preferred to be with someone of her own sex and that she was indeed interested in Betty, Betty decided it was time to go for it and ask the girl out on a date. If Rachel said no and never came into the diner again because of homophobia, then so be it. At least Betty tried, she figured. After listening to Jimmy talk about his regrets on his deathbed, Betty decided that homophobia and some embarrassment because of rejection were worth it because what if she never asked and missed out on Rachel saying yes? Plus, Betty had a very strong feeling that Rachel would accept the date, that this girl was her future, her always...
And Betty was right…
Late last night, Betty took Rachel home after her meal at the diner since Betty’s shift was ending anyway and she thought it would be the perfect time to ask Rachel out with just the two of them alone in her car without any customers around to hear about their blooming romance. But once Betty parked the car in front of Rachel’s apartment, she discovered that she couldn’t talk. The words just wouldn’t come out. She had been planning for weeks a long speech explaining her feelings and how she wanted to get to know Rachel on a more intimate level. But all that came out of Betty’s mouth after the moment of truth arrived was nothing…
Absolutely no words would come out at all…
After weeks and weeks of planning the right thing to say and practicing it every night as she lounged in the bathtub to help her ease out of her stiff joints from being on her feet all day at work as she smoked on a joint to help her ease away from her cigarette habit, figuring one organically grown joint a day was better than a pack of chemically soaked cigarettes a day and how convenient the cook at the diner also sold weed on the side; still, no words would come out…
Finally, after much hemming and hawing, Betty got up the courage to ask Rachel out by simply saying,
“Do you want to do something sometime?”
That sometime proved to be the very next day and that something was dinner at Betty’s place…
Betty hit stop on the remote for the VCR as the film credits rolled while she and Rachel continued to snuggle on the couch, having held hands during the entire film with Rachel resting her head on Betty’s shoulder for both comfort and because she had been so very tired after staying up the night before writing her latest review. Betty had offered to take Rachel home after dinner so she could get some sleep, but Rachel refused, saying that she wanted to spend more time with Betty, giving Betty the sweetest compliment she ever had when she said,
“I was so nervous and so excited about our date tonight that I wouldn’t have slept a wink last night anyway, review or no review.”
Rachel’s words made Betty very pleased even though she still felt a bit guilty about keeping Rachel up.
Rachel had rented the film Romancing the Stone from the local video rental store for Betty and her to watch after eating the dinner that Betty had cooked for them for their very first date.
Betty had decided on dinner at her place so they could get to know each other better with some privacy before heading out into the big, bad world together with their love for each other to possibly get mocked and ridiculed just for daring to be different.
The film Rachel rented was quite good and the perfect pick for their first date, both romantic and funny.
Betty felt that the dinner she made was also very good. Betty had made sweet potatoes, a tossed salad, roast beef that she had in the crockpot all day with carrots and celery and onions, and a key lime pie for dessert, which she purchased at the diner after finishing her shift earlier in the day. They made the best key lime pie ever.
Their conversation during dinner had been as easy and fun and insightful as all the conversations they had at the diner over the last three months, except now that they were finally alone, they could be more open about some of the more intimate and tragic moments of their lives that they had been wanting to say to each other in the diner but didn’t dare since there were usually a few customers around to hear their private pains even at the late hours that Rachel would appear at the restaurant.
But during the entire date, Betty had been so very nervous that she didn’t enjoy the movie or the meal or the conversation as much as she wanted to. Unlike at the end of the meal at the diner every Thursday night, this Friday night meal at Betty’s place could very well end in a kiss…
Or even more…
All Betty could do the entire evening was nervously think about kissing Rachel…
All evening as they talked over dinner and washed the dishes together afterward, singing to songs playing on the radio as Betty scrubbed the dishes and Rachel dried them; all Betty could do was think about kissing the pretty girl.
It had been over 20 years since Betty had kissed a girl.
And this girl was so very pretty.
And Betty wanted to kiss her all night long and for the rest of her life…
Kiss her and caress her soft skin and run her fingers over her small, round breasts, whispering in her ear how very much she loved the girl and wanted to please her body and soul…
Holding hands and snuggling on the couch had come so easily and quickly for Betty and Rachel after spending three months only admiring each other physically from afar. They had both been yearning for physical touch for quite some time, both having been single for way too long…
Rachel had explained over dinner this evening that she had only been with one woman and this woman was the only person that Rachel had ever been intimate with; the affair technically lasted three years, but their actual physical time together had been rare and brief and sporadic at best. Rachel had loved the woman so very much but the woman wasn’t interested in taking the affair beyond the sheets.
The woman had been an unknown actress when the affair started, Rachel having met the woman through her uncle who worked various jobs behind the scenes in show business in both New York City and in Hollywood. By the time the affair ended, the actress was no longer unknown after getting a gig co-starring with three other women on a CBS primetime sitcom, and then the movie career that quickly came after, causing the actress to quit the limitations of the sitcom so she could be a movie star. The actress was willing to continue the affair despite her newfound fame and fortune, especially since she conveniently kept getting film projects and press junkets that took her to Florida and the East Coast in general where she would conveniently show up unannounced at Rachel’s run-down, one-room apartment looking for affection. But Rachel didn’t like the games of the actress coming and going and always too soon. Rachel couldn’t take the broken promises of the relationship being any more than just sex, so she ended the affair a couple of years ago, telling Betty that she cried every day about it since the breakup…
That is until the day she met Betty.
Rachel had said that the sex with the actress had been very intense; feeling more like fucking than making love. Although all of that fucking was exciting, Rachel had said, but she missed having love with the sex. There never seemed to be love when she was being intimate with the actress. Hearing about the sex between Rachel and the beautiful actress made Betty beyond jealous, but the jealousy didn’t last as Rachel’s eyes welled up with tears as she explained how the relationship hadn’t been worth all the heartbreak in the end; Rachel had wanted more than just sex. Rachel had wanted a real relationship with someone who wasn’t afraid to love her, who wasn’t afraid to be with her. And the actress just wasn’t willing to step beyond the closet. Rachel had loved the actress so very much, but the actress hadn’t been able to love Rachel back because she had hated her queer-self too much to allow herself to love a girl whether she was in public or in private, whether she was rich and famous or a poor nobody; the actress just couldn’t love Rachel or any woman as long as she hated her attraction to women.
Well, Betty wasn’t ashamed of her attraction to women anymore and she definitely wasn’t afraid to love Rachel.
But, being open about it was going to be very difficult.
Betty had been thinking long and hard for the last three months about that very unfortunate fact. Being able to hold hands or hug or kiss in public was going to be mostly a no-no for her and Rachel as a couple, but not because Betty was ashamed of Rachel. Betty wanted to shout to the world how very much she loved the girl, but the only thing stopping her was that she was afraid for their safety. But the more Betty thought on it and remembered how Jimmy and his lover were in public, the more she realized that there were ways for little touches and little moments of intimacy while in public that most people wouldn’t notice or would just assume to themselves, “Oh that’s just women being women, you know, touchy-feely and all.”
Libby, who had been lying on the couch next to Rachel napping during the entire movie, let out a big yawn and stretched before getting up and going to her food bowl for a late-night snack. Rachel let out a big yawn herself and stretched her arms, getting off the couch and going to the nearest bathroom, which was adjacent to the second bedroom. Betty got off the couch as well, also letting out a big yawn, and proceeded to go to the bathroom on the other end of the trailer next to her bedroom. Betty looked at herself in the mirror, took a deep breath, and turned on the cold water, splashing it on her face. Betty knew that she was going to kiss Rachel in a few minutes, but she was also beginning to realize that it should only be kisses tonight. Rachel wasn’t ready for more emotionally. The actress had really done a number on the poor girl’s heart.
Rachel needed to be wooed.
Rachel needed to be loved.
And no matter how much Betty’s body cried out for the girl to touch her all night long, Betty needed to go slow with Rachel.
And as she thought about it, Betty realized that she needed to go slow for her own emotional sake as well.
Betty knew that she would be with Rachel for the rest of her life so why rush things?
So, there wouldn’t be any fantastic, amazing sex tonight with Rachel. That was okay. Betty knew that there would be many nights later of fantastic, amazing sex with Rachel. She would just have to continue masturbating all on her own for now while thinking of Rachel. Betty had never had better orgasms in her life than when she fantasized about making love to Rachel while pleasuring herself.
God, she was so attracted to that sweet, shy girl!
After staying in the bathroom for several more minutes composing herself for what was about to happen and not about to happen, Betty left the bathroom and went back to the couch where Rachel was waiting for her.
Betty sat very close to Rachel, placing her hand on Rachel’s and looking into her deep hazel eyes, before simply asking,
“Can I kiss you?”
Rachel immediately replied with a big smile and an enthusiastic,
“YES, PLEASE!”
Betty slowly moved her mouth to Rachel’s, frightened of what was about to happen, but also excited as hell. The moment their lips touched it was fire. Never had Betty felt such electricity with another lover before. The soft, sweet kiss quickly turned into a passionate explosion. Betty never wanted the kissing to end.
Soft, sweet lips.
Tongues dancing with each other.
Hands exploring each other’s bodies.
Their breasts pressed up against each other, rubbing against each other as their nipples hardened from the physical stimulation turning them both on even more.
Kissing and holding and caressing and exploring…
This was heaven on Earth.
Betty had no idea how long their make-out session lasted.
It could have been decades.
It could have been merely seconds.
Time just simply didn’t exist as they kissed and kissed and kissed…
Betty recalled at one point taking Rachel’s hand and placing it on one of Betty’s breasts. Rachel was so sweet and soft with her touch, yet so passionate and intense. No wonder the actress who was no longer unknown couldn’t quit Rachel; Betty wasn’t sure she could quit the make-out session ever.
But there was that annoying and party pooper of a thought that kept scratching at the back of her head the entire time saying,
“No, not yet. Later. It will be better for both of you later.”
UGH!
Betty did NOT want to listen to that voice.
That voice that was always right, dammit!
Why did it have to be right?
Betty wanted to make love to Rachel NOW!
But finally, Betty decided to listen to her higher self even if her higher self was a party pooper, it was only a temporary delay in the festivities to come, so she reluctantly pulled herself away from the embrace that she never wanted to end.
They still held each other breathing hard after the kissing stopped, Rachel waiting for the sign to continue, but Betty reluctantly decided not to give it to her.
“Not yet, love,” Betty whispered to Rachel, kissing her softly on her forehead. “I want to so bad, trust me, it’s all I’ve thought about for the last three months, but I think we both need more time. We’ve both been so hurt and I want to do this right.”
Rachel seemed both disappointed and relieved at the same time.
“Soon, my love, very soon,” Betty continued as she kissed Rachel’s cheeks and hands, wanting to kiss more but not daring because they would very quickly be thrown back into an impassioned embrace that wouldn’t end this time, “Neither one of us can wait that long, but I want to woo you first. I just feel like you really need some old-fashioned wooing.”
Betty gave Rachel one last kiss on the lips that they almost couldn’t break away from before they got off the couch, Rachel saying goodbye to Libby, giving her some quick scratches as she snoozed on one of the kitchen table chairs before Betty and Rachel reluctantly left the trailer and got into Betty’s car for the short ride back to Rachel’s apartment.
They talked the entire quick drive back to Rachel’s place, laughing about and discussing different parts of the movie they had just seen. Betty loved the way Rachel loved movies. It was quite infectious. Betty gave Rachel a quick but very passionate kiss in the car after they parked outside Rachel’s apartment with Betty reluctantly checking around to make sure no one was watching before they kissed, just in case. Not that she was ashamed anyone would know that Rachel was more than a friend to Betty. She was more worried about something bad happening to them if the wrong person saw them.
This was going to be hard constantly worrying that someone might hurt them physically or verbally if they saw Betty and Rachel for what they really were – two women in love. But Betty was determined to deal with all the crap from the outside world that was going to come from having a woman as a partner.
Rachel was worth it, she was just that special.
What a fool that actress was, Betty thought. She was missing out on a very special woman just because she didn’t have the courage to be in a relationship with another woman, too worried about what other people thought. Oh well, her loss was Betty’s gain, and Betty couldn’t help but say a silent thank you to the actress for not being brave enough while Betty waved goodbye to Rachel as she went into her apartment.
Promises of a date the next evening were made before they had painfully parted.
Dinner and a movie were the plan they decided on.
Betty couldn’t wait until 5:00pm tomorrow night when she would pick Rachel up for a trip to Daytona Beach for a nice meal and a new movie at a somewhat new theater so Rachel wouldn’t have to wait months to see a film she was dreaming of watching.
The parting was so painful that Betty found herself calling Rachel as soon as she got back home 10 minutes later just to say goodnight. They talked for almost an hour before they both realized they were exhausted and needed some sleep. Plus, Betty had a shift at the diner in just a few hours so she had better get some sleep.
Betty climbed into bed after she got off the phone and pleasured herself while thinking of Rachel and then drifted off to sleep, having the best sleep of her life in years, dreaming of Rachel and their life together for the rest of their lives.
Betty was finally home because she had found Rachel.
Episode 3: First Date Out in the Big, Bad Real World
